Kalzer & Hawtin Rewatch Survivor South Pacific Episode 2 : "He Has Demons"

Warning:  Mild spoilers for 'Reality Gamemasters'.  This was written shortly after Episode 4 of what may later on be called 'Season 1' of Reality Gamemasters.

Mark Kalzer

            We open on Semhar.  Semhar?  Wasn’t she voted out last episode?  Oh yes, this is another Redemption Island season where no one will technically be eliminated from the game until episode 3.   I remember this making the exit interviews online and with Rob Cesternino being an awkward exercise in remembering just what was relevant two to three weeks ago on the show.  I'll rant more about this later.

            There’s really nothing revelatory about these scenes here.  Semhar wonders how people can be so cruel as to vote someone off, having already forgotten on day 3 what game she came here to play.  She finds instructions posted on the shelter and reads them aloud, basically reminding us, the ignorant audience who clearly have already forgotten the last season just what Redemption Island entails.  Semhar then recites some poem, probably one of about two dozen she did alone in front of the camera cause, just what else is she going to do?  What do you think is more awkward?  Being followed by cameras as a tribe, or being followed by a camera when completely alone?    

            Can I also just complain about the casual use of the word ‘Island’?  At no point is it made clear weather or not this is a separate island.  There’s no pond or bridge to cross.  As far as I can tell it’s just a short walk from tribal council.  I realize that when Survivor went inland for Gabon and Toncantins they just found some remote piece of land and called that Exile Island just to avoid confusing us dumb viewers.  But I’m not some dumb viewer, so I will hence forth refer to Redemption Island as Redemption Inland.  Also, screw this capitalization crap.  Redemption inland it is.  (Well I had to caps that first word cause... look you get my drift okay?!)  

            Back on Savaii, Cochran thanks everyone for keeping him, a favour I’m sure he will return some day later on.  Ozzy says something about the group deciding to give Cochran a chance to redeem himself, which is strange cause I thought that it what redemption inland is for.  Pay attention Ozzy.

Who me?

            Keith then says something half insightful about how he’s in an alliance with Ozzy, but also that since Ozzy’s a threat he has to watch him like a hawk.  There’s a lot of filler in this episode.  Keith basically just said ‘I’m working with Ozzy, but I’m also watching him.’ which if you’ve studied Survivor gameplay with any sort of scrutiny you would know that you kind of want to do that with everyone in the game.

Especially Whitney.

            After the title sequence, (Note:  This reminds me of something that also bothers me, and it’s not producers I’m ranting about but Survivor commentators.  I keep hearing or reading them refer to this as the credit sequence.  Who’s being credited?  The Survivors?  A credit sequence you know, credits the producers and cameras guys and the dream team.  This is a title sequence.  Sorry I’m done.)  Coach is back on camera where he likes it, referring to himself as the dragonslayer.  (Again, no caps.)  Coach then talks about how he feels he’s been given a second chance proving either that A) Coach can’t count and is thus screwed on Survivor or B) He thinks Edna talking to him after the hero challenge in episode 1 counts as some sort of second chance.  Whatever.  It gives us what the producers think we want, which is more Coach.

"More interviews?  Sure!  Let me get my Coach face on!"

            Edna also says something but all I notice is the fact that she’s clearly using treemail as a hat, thus increasing the Edna awesomeness by a factor of 4.  I’m certain whatever she said wasn’t relevant to the plot.  Coach says in reference to Edna that it so great when you find someone in Survivor who will play honourably, further reminding us that Coach after 3 seasons still hasn’t figured out what Survivor is.  He’s clearly bothered by the fact he can’t find anyone to play with who will do so honourably and is certain the problem is with them and not his narrow minded game style.   

Pictured : The treemail hat.  For the record I didn't generate this freeze frame.  Sorry Edna.

My friend George is wondering what it is that Sophie does that Coach doesn’t, and in many ways it’s not so much what Sophie did but did NOT do.  Coach, by repeating the words honour and integrity is just setting himself up for failure.  After 20 seasons you go out on Survivor and try to tell everyone you’re going to play with honour and integrity, you’re likely to either get taken advantage of midway through the game or you’ll get to the end game having gone against everything you stood for.  This isn’t the ‘be nice to everyone’ game.  You either die a hero, or you live long enough to become the villain.    

Yet I think, deep down there, there's a real competitor underneath this mask.  I've always believed that Coach was more a character designed for the cameras and that the real Benjamin Wade gets suppressed when on Survivor.  Here on South Pacific, I think a little more of the real Benjamin Wade slips through into the show.  There's not a lot of him, he still calls himself Dragonslayer in confessional, but I think Benjamin's clearly out there to play this time.  I think at most times given a choice between making a Coach move, and making a Benjamin move, this time it's Benjamin that wins out and that's why he's making much smarter decisions.

            Back to recapping;

            Back on Savaii, Cochran promises a new and improved Cochran.  Again, we’ve got that talking about yourself in third person.  There must be some reality TV school that’s teaching this.  Cochran proceeds to do all these camp life chores all the while continuing to talk about himself, almost as if to say ‘LOOK AT ME!  I’M DOING STUFF NOW.’  Everyone notices, and they don’t frankly care.

Not even Willie.

            Ozzy decides to go looking for the idol, noticing a very strange rock in a high point in a tree.  What does he find?  No not a lemon behind that rock, but the hidden immunity idol of course!  Ozzy looks right at the camera and says “rocks and trees usually mean something good is there!”  Really?  That’s the best you could come up with? Rocks and trees equal good stuff?  Explain somewhere else in nature that makes sense.  Couldn’t think of one right? 

            The next thing Ozzy tells us is that if the idol is used at an opportune moment it just might be the ticket to the win.  Wow that was insightful.  Producer off camera is clearly all ‘And tell us Ozzy, just why are idols important?’  This is of course since the viewers are stupid and have already forgotten what a hidden immunity idol is for since it only comes up a dozen or so times every season.

            Cut back to Brandon Hantz and he is having a problem with honour of his own.  It seems he's feeling like a hypocrit, trying to play with honour, meanwhile keeping his identity secret.  Wait what identity?  The only identity he might be afraid of would be if he was ACTUALLY Russell Hantz in a clever disguise.  Whatever his last name is, he is Brandon, not Russell.  Russell only really matters to the point that Brandon keeps bringing him up.

            Brandon reveals his secret identity and Coach is stunned.  Coach is smart enough though to know that this doesn't change anything.  They can still be allies because as Coach says “You say you’re going to play like a man of god.  That means something to me.”  They then go and pray, thanking god for bringing them together.  I thought it was the producers doing that but whatever.  I don’t know what being a man of god changes about you as a Survivor player and I certainly don’t think it changed much of anything about Vecepia’s game.  (Though to be fair, I think Cochran’s the only one in this cast who’s seen Survivor Marquasas.)  I just don't see how playing the faith card helps Coach here.  Unless he actually intends on sticking to the very end with Brandon, he'll just get called out for it at jury time.  

            Coach also says to the camera that he hopes this is redemption for the Hantz family.  See how he got on TV again just there?  He said both Redemption and Hantz in the same sentence!  This guy has done his homework.  That being said, I don’t know why he would ever HOPE for redemption for the Hantz family since the only way I can see the family redeeming itself is by Brandon winning and Coach losing.  I don’t believe Benjamin is that altruistic.  Alliance or not, he wants every one of the other 17 to lose.  Only he can get ‘Redemption’.    

            Change camps again.  Jim Rice is now talking.  He’s got this idea for a 3+2 plan.  It’s simple, and it has a somewhat clever name.  If he lasted I don’t think it’d get quite the television mileage of Stealth R Us.  Keith agrees to it since it wouldn’t conflict with his plans until very late in the pecking order.  I seem to recall Jim Rice (love it) saying in exit interviews about how Cochran was in everybody’s final 3.  This must have happened later on because he clearly marks Cochran as one of the next three boots here in episode 2.  That said I like Jim Rice as a character, and a would be villain.  He's great on camera and I think he'd have been a really great villain we'd love to hate, as opposed to Colton who we just hate bitterly.  

            Back on Upolu the winner finally speaks.  Sophie says “I’m worried about the idol.  I think Christine has it.”  She bases this on the fact that Christine spends more time looking for it then she does socializing with her tribe.  As winners edits go, this one is pretty basic.  It’s like when you’re writing a play for community theatre and you realize Sophie hasn’t said anything for a while, so you give her a line about the idol. 

            Finally we get to the immunity challenge.  When re-watching a season challenges are often the parts I skip through.  When you know the outcome there’s really not much point unless there’s some critical drama that occurs.  All that really matters is that it’s pretty close, and that Savaii wins in a come from behind fashion.

If they just showed this I'd be just as happy.

            Immedietly after the win, but before we cut to commercial Brandon confesses how he is determined to get Mikayla out.  Now this is something that has become prolific in the modern era.  Tribe loses immunity, and they cut to a confessional where someone promises to vote somebody out.  The target named in this ‘after challenge’ confessional slot never goes home.  It's just another thing the editors do because they think we’re stupid.  Because they think we’re thrilled by the suspense of guessing who gets voted out. 

            And believe me, there are people who still fall for it.  I'm sure this is literally how it plays out in homes across America;

“Uh oh… Brandon’s going after Mikayla.  She’s a goner.  Now I can't tune away.” 

            Then 15 minutes later;

“OMG!  They voted Christina out?  Didn't see that coming!  Wow, this is so much fun!” 

"They kept Shammar?  No fucking way!"

            Somewhere in the corner you might be there burying your face trying to avoid pointing out how stupid your parent or spouse is.  You’re not as gullible as they are.  If you are, I don’t know why you even still care about Survivor South Pacific.  Why are you even reading this?  It’s just another example of how these season’s aren’t really designed for re-watching, as it’s all about constant suspense. 

‘Who will be voted out tonight?’

‘I don’t know Jeff!  Boy I can’t wait!’

"Also, could you hurry up and show more Coach?"

            I digress.

            Coach tells his alliance that Edna is on a need to know basis and will do exactly what Coach tells her to do.  Hey good on Coach.  He also wonders aloud whatever happened to the tree mail from the last challenge.

            Brandon having exhausted his supply of Russell Hantz references compensates by repeating Parvati’s name over and over again.  Back on couches across America people are shouting "I remember Parvati!" Across camp Sophie references Sandra Diaz a half dozen times but that interview got cut out.  Back to Brandon, he refers to Parvati having screwed many a man.  I don’t know if he’s referring to Survivor gameplay or just the fact that in his eyes, that’s what attractive women do.  They screw men one by one since they of course just can’t help themselves.  And yes in this case, this is all Mikayla’s fault and she should be voted off as a result of it.  It’s not like Brandon should have to go anywhere.  He’s not at all at fault here. 

            Brandon joins Rick, Coach, Sophie, Albert and maybe Edna in a strategy session and lobbies hard for booting Mikayla.  Mikayla then shows up from the bushes hoping to find out what's going on.  Coach, having clearly perfected the art of Survivor stealth politely asks Mikayla to give him and the other 5 some privacy.  The maneuver pays off dividends as Mikayla promptly walks the other way with no idea what just hit her. 

            Christine and Stacey look upon this from a distance and wonder openly what could possibly be being talked about by a group of 6 in a 9 person tribe hours before tribal council.  Christine is pretty certain that it’s nothing, but just to be sure they ask Edna what the group is talking about.  Edna informs them that the group over there that includes Sophie is planning to vote out Sophie.  That's right... Sophie's asking them to vote her out.

"That's a great idea!"

Christina slams Edna for not keeping her stories straight.  Stacey clearly drifts off at this point though as she’s the only one to actually vote for Sophie.

            Brandon manages to go from repeating Parvati to repeating Mikayla, having finally learned to direct his attention to people actually inside the game.  Unfortunately, nobody seems to be on board with this, so feeling the ends justify the means, he lies and tells Coach that Stacey and Christina are voting Mikayla, believing this will force Coach to match his vote. 

            At tribal council Jeff Probst completely ignores Sophie and Rick the entire time at tribal council, and I think also Edna.  I’m sure there’s some banter with Sophie in the cut footage but it just wasn't as interesting.  Jeff does make time to say “So glad you’re back Coach” in a completely non-ironic fashion.  I’m sure this kind of stuff pisses off all the non-Coach members of Upolu.  Coach for his part smiles the entire tribal council either because he finds the whole discussion hilarious or he’s just that glad to be on TV again. Most of the talk is along the lines of Christina and Stacey refusing to admit that they're targeting Mikayla.  This goes on for quite a while until Brandon finally fesses up.  At this point I would almost start to really question my own alliance with Brandon since he seems to be acting with his own agenda, but it's hard to change everybody's votes while actually at Tribal Council so nothing happens immediately.  

            The votes are cast.  Christine votes for Edna for some strange reason while Stacey votes for Sophie hoping her intel about Sophie’s drive to vote herself out proves accurate.  Sophie triumphantly saves herself by voting with her core alliance who are spliting their votes between Christine and Stacey.  Christine goes to redemption inland leaving the 8 other temporary players behind. 

            Jeff Probst says something about trust being Upolu needs most or else he’ll be seeing them a lot more.  I don’t quite get the connection between that and immunity challenge success, but okay Jeff.  You get the final word as always before the actual final words, which aren’t really the final words anyways anymore. 

            Wow.  That was a mouthful.  George?     

George Hawtin
   Previouslies: we see John, Jim, and Papa Bear introducing themselves. I may have said this last week, but I might say it every week: when I first watched South Pacific, I thought "Cochran" was aiming for sarcasm/irony a lot of the time with his "I am the best ever" talk. Having seen Caramoan, where he seemed much more serious about it, makes me see him through whole new eyes. If you think that having watched every episode of Survivor ever, but not having learned a damn thing about how to actually play it*, makes you "the savviest player ever", then guess what? You're Russell Hantz without the charm. Hate this guy, hate this guy, hate this guy, hate this guy.

*Remember the time Butt-Head said to Beavis, "You've watched every episode of 'Teen Mom', but learned nothing!" And Beavis mutters, "Yeah, I guess I need to watch 'em again." That seems apropos because a., John Cochran needs to watch every episode of Survivor again, and because b., I'd much rather be watching Teen Mom than South Pacific. Mark, let's do that next.

Breaking News: Someone thinks this is better than Survivor South Pacific.

Interesting how in the previouslies, Jeff claims "Coach" "worked his way into a conversation" with his Instant Beach Alliance, whereas in the first episode, they tried really hard to make the whole thing seem like "Coach"'s idea. (In fairness, that process was far from seamless.)

Redemption Island, Night 3: Semhar complains about how she "feels abandoned by (her) team". Yeah, this "voting people out" twist just goes against everything Survivor is supposed to be about. Then she complains that she "doesn't understand how they could be so cold-hearted". So if they'd voted out "Cochran", that wouldn't have been cold-hearted, because only Semhar has feelings, apparently. Have I mentioned lately how much I hate people who don't understand this game?

I hope her crappy poem about not feeling loved is about "Cochran".

Keith and Ozzy talk. So Keith exists, apparently.

"Coach" and Edna talk. She shows her passivity right from the start: she knows she's on the bottom, and doesn't seem to mind. She thinks maybe an alliance with Coach would be the way, which...no! One friend (who's a lunatic) is not an alliance! Making sure there's never a time when 5 people are in one place and 4 people are in another and you're in the 4...*that's* how you make an alliance! At the end of their conversation, "Coach" starts talking about how he's a fool, and I cheer, like I did the first time, and then he says it's because he expects others to play honourably, which...no! He's a fool because he's a fool.

"So long as you're talking about me George, The Dragonslayer is happy!"

Cut to "the new Cochran" (ugh) bragging about doing work around camp "without being asked to do so". That's...kind of not how doing work around camp works. You *have to* pull your weight, *at a minimum*, especially if you suck in challenges and are a puny dork who insists on calling himself by an insufferable created-for-the-show nickname and speaking in the third person. The people in the background (Whitney, Keith, Elyse, and someone else a few feet back) deserve a million dollars apiece just for listening to this guy pat himself on the back without wringing his neck.

I can almost see - almost - where people like this guy, where they find it charming that here's this nerd who's trying to get out of his comfort zone. But anybody - never mind the, quote, "savviest person to ever play" - should get that Survivor is not about your personal journey. It's about you tricking a bunch of other people into thinking it's better for you to have a million dollars than for them to have a million dollars. That's all. If you aren't focused on that, get the hell off my TV.

Can they stay George?

Oh, good, Elyse. Elyse is hot. I need some eye candy to cheer me up right about now. ...and she's gone! 'Bye, Elyse! I'll treasure the four seconds you were on my screen.

Ozzy finds the idol. The thing about Ozzy is, he's not Elyse. He's not even Mikayla. Now Ozzy is talking. That's the worst, when that happens. Talk less, swim more, Ozzy! Then he gives a speech about how if people know he has an idol, they'll try to flush it. Which...really? Is that an automatic thing? Especially with this group? How often did Ozzy try to flush Yul's idol in Cook Islands? Never. Seems to me, what you do with an idol is, you put together a cohesive alliance; you use the idol to keep them together and scare people away from taking you out. Especially with the situation Ozzy is in (one returnee, bunch of newbies, people idolizing him for his challenge strength), he'd have been in great position. Grab Whitney, Keith, Elyse, and Jim; ride that idol to five. He got blindsided in Micronesia, right? That's why he's being so paranoid here? But...Whitney, Keith and Elyse are not Parvati, Cirie and Amanda. Not every situation is the same.

Now Brandon is talking to "Coach". I can't. I can't. The only good part is where they're walking along circa 12:06 and Brandon seems to come up to about mid-chest on Coach. And I don't think of Coach as a super-tall dude.

Oh! Wait. I shouldn't have said "only" good part. More like "first" good part.

Brandon reveals his tattoo, and then reads Coach his tattoo: "That says Li'l Hantz." You think he can't read? How dumb do you think he---
Coach: "That's not your last name, is it?"
("No, Ben, I just randomly tattooed some gibberish on my arm.")

One of the things that's really intriguing for me about the Hantz family is their fascination with their name. Russell walks around yelling, "I'm Russell Hantz!" all the time as if that's supposed to mean anything to anyone. Brandon has his name tattooed on himself. I'm...not that obsessed with my name, to be honest, and think it's weird when people are.

Coach confessionals: "His uncle is my #1 nemesis Russell." Is that what happened in Heroes vs. Villains? I thought Rob was Russell's #1 nemesis, or maybe Sandra, or Danielle for a while. I thought Russell was just generally an asshole to Coach like he was to everyone, but don't remember any specific interplay between them. Again, Coach thinks he's the centre of the universe. Though, in fairness, he only says that Russell is his nemesis, not that he's Russell's...but anyone who can take "this little troll is rude to literally everyone literally all of the time" and turn it into "HE IS MY #1 NEMESIS" is kind of a drama queen. But, okay, Brandon thinking Coach couldn't read and then Coach kind of proving him right, that was cute.

Then Coach and Brandon pray together. Ugh. This, of course, is a major motif of the season. This will come up a lot during the season, but Coach and Brandon...do not practice the sort of Christianity that I am familiar with, let me put it that way. Then Coach refers to himself as "Coach Wade". Which: in my misspent youth, I umpired baseball for a season. I got fired because I sucked at umpiring. Lo, these many years later, I do not randomly call myself "Umpire Hawtin". Because...I got fired from doing that thing, much as "Coach" got fired from coaching. Seriously, this guy is so insufferable. I don't know why I am choosing to suffer him. Is it time for Teen Mom yet?

Cut to Elyse being annoying but cute. Cut to Jim being annoying but cute. Hey, now Jim puts together the exact Savaii alliance I suggested before! Jim is the kind of player I tend to root for: a strategist, smart, professional, articulate, thirtysomething (old enough to be mature, young enough to be athletic). As I recall, he was who I rooted for as the show aired. Sometimes that works out - Earl, Yul - and other times you get a Jim or a Michael Jefferson. That was a low point. I forget exactly when or how Jim's wheels come off - I think it's to do with my beloved Elyse, though. Sadface.

I just realized - his name is Jim Rice. Like borderline baseball Hall of Famer Jim Rice. Wait, is Jim Rice in the Hall of Fame? I think it was a close-run thing. Let me look this up. Yes, he is. Just barely. On his 15th try. You know, I wonder if that was a factor in this Jim Rice getting cast - if one of the casting people subconsciously thought, "Jim Rice! I know that name from somewhere! He sounds like he could be a great player - a Hall of Fame player!" I should ask Malcolm Gladwell about this. Now I just have to make friends with Malcolm Gladwell, and we're set.

Okay. Jim says he wants to cut Cochran, Papa Bear, and Dawn "for their own idiosyncracies", and as he's saying this, we see Cochran hopping around like an idiot. That's truly excellent. 15:59-16:01 - every time Cochran annoys me over the course of this season, I'm going to come back and watch that. Jim goes on to confessional about them having to go because they're not among "the cool kids", which...really, with that bullshit, Jim? Hey, Jim? Remember when Richard Hatch made his alliance with the cool kids and got rid of yucky old Sue and Rudy? ...no, me neither. You work with who you can work with. I think that five makes the most sense for Jim at this point in the game for the reasons I've already outlined, but it's not about "coolness".

Hey, now Mikayla's talking! Now she's taking her shorts off! Sophie in the background making Sophie faces. Okay, it's mean, but I have to say it: given that Brandon wants to target the Evil Temptress and that Coach is happy to give him his way, I really think Sophie's appearance, or lack thereof, works to her advantage. I mean, by woman-you-pass-on-the-street standards, Sophie is lovely. She's got nice eyes and everything is where it's supposed to be. But by Super-Hot Mactor Who Gets On Survivor standards, Sophie's...kind of...not someone...I would think of to vote out for being too good-looking, if I were going to vote someone out by that standard. In my opinion, she might be the least-attractive young woman they've ever cast. And I do think it helped her, because - remember Sierra? Remember Mikayla? - her tribe is led by two guys who are terrified, for their own reasons, of good-looking women. Sophie's ability to not be a threat in that sense probably didn't hurt.

Brandon: "There's a particular person in this game I don't like, and her name's Murkayla (sic)." Accent, or moron? "I call her Parvarti (sic)." Later he drops all 'r's and starts switching to calling her "Poverty". For the first year or so after I came back to Survivor, I insisted on calling Parvati 'Poverty'. Then it got old. I still refuse to call the winner of Survivor: Nicaragua by his show nickname if I can help it, instead calling him by his real name, Jub (sic), and I'm sure that will get old soon too. Ah, the circle of life! Anyway. Murkayla. We do not see Murkayla do anything to "tempt" Brandon or try to flirt with anyone. In the first episode, the first time they're interacting, when she's "admiring" his "loco" neck tattoo (and what's not to admire?), I get the sense that she's kind of creeped out by him and that she's having to strain to even seem polite. Brandon goes on to talk about how he's "made some pretty bad decisions in the past" (does that mean he's cheated on his wife?) because "ain't no chick in this world getting in the way of me, my family, and a million dollars." This guy is so socially oblivious. He shouldn't be where there are people.

That's the main thing that bothers me about the editing of this season, I think. In terms of giving some people more airtime than others, it's very unbalanced...but in terms of storytelling, it's not balanced enough. In Fiji, Yau-Man and Earl were "the heroes", and the Horsemen were "the villains"; even though they seemed like relatively okay guys and could have been the heroes of a different season, the show sets them up as villains. Survivor used to be really heavy-handed in that kind of way. South Pacific is oddly...weightless. I feel like if Brandon and Murkayla had played a different season, they'd have either tried to force Brandon into the "hero" niche and play up Murkayla's "temptress" qualities, or they'd have (I think this would have been more accurate) made him the evil villain and made her the victim, like his uncle's victims were the victim. What bothers me about the Brandon/Murkayla arc is that the show, usually so heavy-handed, allows a level of moral ambiguity. We see Brandon, saying in one breath that he's afraid of women because he's "made mistakes" in his marriage (what can that mean other than cheating on his wife?) and also that he would NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER cheat on his wife. And Murkayla just seems...sweet and well-intentioned and baffled and hurt and normal about the whole thing, the way Mark or I would seem if Brandon decided we were trying to tempt him to have sex with us. Brandon's treatment of Murkayla is appalling, and the show's refusal to take a stand on that (when it always takes stands on who's the good guy and who's the bad guy) is one of many reasons I hate this season.

Christine hunting for the idol. I will agree: once you've bollocksed up your game by announcing you're going to be gunning for Ben Wade, idol-hunting on day 4 is probably a smart move.

Challenge. Upolu needs to sit someone out. "Coach" says, "Edna, do you mind?" Which...yeah, she's the obvious choice, and he handled that approximately right. The biggest problem with no separate reward challenges, for me, is that when there are reward challenges, you need to choose your sitouts based on whether you want your strongest team in the reward or in the immunity, and a surprising number of tribes choose wrong. Just one more layer of strategy Redemption Island costs us.

You know, outside of her intro confessional, I don't think we've seen Stacey talk yet. I kind of forgot there was such a person.

Probst can't seem to make up his mind whether it's "Savay" or "Savay-ee".

Upolu wins immunity. Coach launches a split-vote plan that is, I think, overcooked. There's no need. And then he says this: "I haven't forgotten what Christine said on day one - Coach is a temporary player. ...plus, I haven't forgiven her for running around looking for the hidden immunity idol."

Okay. The first half is a good strategic reason for Coach to vote out Christine. The second is...a good reason, annoyingly phrased. "She might have an idol and she is not aligned with us"? Good reason. "I haven't forgiven her"? I don't know about that. It's typical paternalistic Ben Wade "you were a bad girl and you have to go sit in the corner" bullshit, and I'm sure Sierra retched watching this. For me, South Pacific is the story of Ben a., finally learning to play Survivor, but b., still being the jackass that he always was.

Sierra, after failing to find the corner in the middle of the jungle.

Okay, more of the Brandon/Murkayla foolishness. People find entertaining what they find entertaining, but me personally, if I were a producer of Survivor and a guy started talking about wanting to vote out a woman who didn't even like him because, quote, "I'm faithful to my wife!"? Instant. Psychiatric. Medevac. Period. Seriously, the two things that might be going on here are that Brandon is so deluded that he thinks Murkayla might be trying to seduce him, which is a level of delusion I am not comfortable seeing on my TV; or, two, that he thinks he might rape her. Either way, whenever he is on the screen, I need an adult. Other reasons for which I would give someone an instant psychiatric medevac? Having a "loco" neck tattoo; swearing in one episode to never tell anyone your last name, only to tell someone in the next episode; being about two foot eight; or basically ever doing anything that Brandon Hantz has ever done. Russell is aggressive and nasty, but Brandon is unbalanced in ways I just can't derive any entertainment from.

Except when he thought Coach couldn't read and he was right. That was the best.

I've been having arguments lately about whether it's okay to use the legitimately mentally handicapped as pawns in online reality games. It makes me very uncomfortable when people do that. And, similarly, I lose a lot of respect for these four people aligned with Brandon (not that I had much for "Coach" to begin with) when he tells his story of Murkayla The Evil Temptress and they don't think, "Okay, this guy is too sick to be out here." It's early going, guys. You can jettison him, bump Edna up to five, bring Murkayla in as your sixth. There's time. I believe that the most important quality in a Survivor ally is predictability. You need to know what they're going to do, because you need them to do what you need them to do. When someone is insane, they are not a reliable ally. So I lose respect for Brandon's allies both as human beings (given the moral choice of sticking with him or sticking with Murkayla, they make the wrong one) and as Survivor players (given the strategic choice of a reliable ally or an unreliable ally, they choose the unreliable ally). I strongly believe there are no morals in Survivor - you do what will give you the best chance at winning - but I'm not convinced that aligning with the unstable guy is that. Yes, they still end up at final four together, but that means they overcame this mistake, not that it wasn't a mistake.

Sophie gives a very measured confessional about Murkayla. You know, this has been the surprise of the first two episodes. I remember Sophie being snotty, bratty, childish, smart-alecky, and having fans rally to her because a., nobody good was on that season, and b., according to some segments of the fandom, being annoying is "fierce", apparently. Remember - I think it was at the China reunion? - when Courtney says she's like a child, and so children relate to her? That's my memory of Sophie, except I remember liking Courtney. But...that's really not the Sophie I'm seeing on rewatch. She's very cool, collected, poised, smart. Almost like a Denise Stapley or a Yul in her unwillingness to make rash decisions and her almost professional way of dissecting other people's motives and figuring out how to manipulate them. I don't know if Sophie gets more annoying later on, but so far, she's leagues better than I remembered. The way she weighs in this confessional that her being a strong woman might pose a threat to Brandon and make her a target, but then decides she can handle it...it's cool. (Not cool as in "neat!", cool as in collected.)

Aww, Murkayla approaches the six of them strategizing, and Coach asks for privacy. See, I think that was badly handled. He may have learned a thing or two, but there's a whole lot of things he hasn't learned. Now Murkayla is making sad faces because, quote, "they think that I'm not trustable". Whenever I think that the girl who uses the word "trustable" is the hero of the season, there's a serious problem.

Christine and Edna have an adorable conversation. Edna randomly swears and gets blurred - this is not your grandmother's Edna! - and then when Christine asks who the six of them were talking about voting out, Edna suggests maybe Sophie. Who was...in the six. Yeah, that's likely, Edna. But then Christine yells at her and Edna seems really lost. You would expect me to grump out over Edna not being a good liar and Why Even Go On Survivor If You Can't Lie and so on...but, nah, this was cute. If someone's going to be bad at Survivor, I'd rather have them be completely inept at all social interaction than "good but not quite as good as 'Coach'", you know?

More Brandon/Murkayla. This is appalling. Then Coach talks about hoping the people he's aligned himself with have "character", which...yeah, Coach *would* take Brandon's attempt to hound Murkayla out of the game because otherwise he'll cheat on his wife for "character". Off the top of my head, I can't think of a time two worse human beings have played this game together than "Coach" and Brandon.

Tribal: you know, I really don't care about any of this drama. Brandon and "Coach" are terrible people and terrible Survivor players. Stacey and Christine seem like nice people...and somehow even worse Survivor players. Really, short of the TC set burning down and leading to everyone but Mikayla and possibly Rick being medevaced, there's no way I could respect anything that happens at this TC.

And...Christine goes home with four of nine votes! Stacey and Christine put throwaway votes on Sophie and Edna, respectively! Just putting this out there, and not that she'd have been in a great position, but if Christine had voted for Stacey, she'd have lived another round. After that, who knows what happens? Tribe swap? Brandon kills everyone on the tribe except for you? The two people on the outs throwing random throwaway votes, *not even aligned*...that's just dumb.

Things that would have been smarter:
1. voting for each other
2. voting together for Mikayla
3. voting together for not Mikayla
4. trying to make a women's alliance (five women! four men! two of whom are noted misogynists! COME ON!)

So, Christine. I'm glad to have her gone. Except...no, she's off to Monster Island, which is actually a peninsula.

BANTER

Mark Kalzer
Well the only relevant question I have so far is... are you warming up to Sophie?

And what do you think her chances are on Reality Gamemasters?

George Hawtin
I am warming up to Sophie. As I said in response to her confessional about Brandon, she seems much savvier than I had remembered. I think aligning with Brandon is a huge risk, but Survivor always involves risks.

And re: Reality Gamemasters, a map I saw posted today seems to suggest that Stephen is winning big-time, but I don't know anything about Risk. Could she still turn it around?)

Or Cochran, for that matter?

Mark Kalzer
Yeah I don't fault her for aligning with Brandon. It's a consensus decision and he's stil more integrated than the other 4.

Last we left Sophie just eliminated someone else which means she picks up Risk cards.

George Hawtin
Oh, nice. I don't know how old that map is.

Mark Kalzer
And it's still her turn. Theoretically she's got a lot more armies almost immedietely.

George Hawtin
I should learn to play Risk. I used to play a simplified version of Risk called "Global Wars" - ever heard of it?

Mark Kalzer
Back to Survivor, Sophie is doing that smart thing of just laying low and being useful early on.

In this new era a lot of the winners tend to play a very low key game pre merge. Her Somoa winning counterpart of that year Kim didn't stick out at ALL before the switch on One World.

Right now... on Upolu, like it or not, Brandon is providing the most compelling storyline. Sophie is giving about the least interesting story on Survivor South Pacific at this early point in time.

George Hawtin
Yeah, if I needed to power-rank the players so far, the top tier is clearly made up of the seven people who've gotten into alliances and haven't proven insane. That's Sophie, Albert and Rick on Upolu, and Jim, Keith, Whitney, and Elyse on Savaii. But even already, there are signs of discord on Savaii: Jim and Ozzy's little fight over whether to boot Semhar or Cochran. So I'd say the Upolu alliance is clearly the more cohesive one, and Sophie's a., in it, and b., not insane. It's a good place to be.

Mark Kalzer
Most of the recent winners are low key early on. About the only one that stuck out was Denise and that's only cause her original tribe shrank to 2.

George Hawtin
Yeah, that's the frustrating thing about comparing winners. Sometimes the best game you can play is the one where you're low-key and in the background.

Sophie and, say, Tom Westman, played very different games...but could Sophie have won this season by being a Tom Westman? She could not have. Ben and Brandon would have been scared of her.

Mark Kalzer
Sophie and Kim had a similar trajectory in that they blended in early on and became much more vocal and visible as the game went on.

George Hawtin
Does Sophie become visible as the game goes on? Like, before the very end?

Mark Kalzer
Sophie does.

George Hawtin
Honestly, on my first viewing, when people started rooting for Sophie, my reaction was literally, "There's a Sophie?"

But now that I'm paying attention to her, maybe I'll notice her.

Mark Kalzer
Right around the time Cochran's number is up (and he frustratingly has done NOTHING to prepare for it) I kind of came around on Sophie as the only sensible player left.

George Hawtin
That's an interesting debate I was having with someone last week. Would you say you're a Sophie fan, or that you rooted for Sophie on South Pacific by default as the least of evils?

Mark Kalzer
Right now her biggest problem if there even is one is that she's a strong woman and it's clear that frightens Brandon.

George Hawtin
A friend I used to argue Survivor with - he may have just been digging in and becoming more extreme based on how extreme I was in my dislike of her - saw her as one of the best winners ever.

Mark Kalzer
If you're asking if she fit that Richard Hatch spot as the least objectionable player... yes I think there's a bit of that.

In terms of best winner ever... that's just such an unfair debate.

Every game is radically different. Sometimes you need to be a Rob C or Kim S and handle alliances with 12 different people.

Right now Sophie is in a good place. She doesn't need to scramble.

In terms of who was playing a good game down the stretch... Cochran had done NOTHING to follow up his flip... Albert was talking WAY too much... Edna was annoying everyone, Coach was Coach and Brandon was Brandon.

George Hawtin
Yeah, I agree about the not-needing-to-scramble. I think if I were on Survivor with Brandon, I'd try to take him out on moral grounds...but I cannot think of a time anyone on Survivor has done anything on moral grounds and gone on to succeed.

Mark Kalzer
Yeah... morality is very dangerous to bring into survivor. You are sort of imposing your own morality on everybody else.

How do we know Coach won't try to protect Brandon on the grounds of him being a Christian man?

George Hawtin
Exactly. As I recall, that's more or less what happens---their noxious "Christianity" is what bonds them.

And, I mean, far be it from me to judge someone else's practice of religion, but "I'm going to fear and mistreat women, but Jesus is my buddy so I can do that if I want" is not my style.

Mark Kalzer
Oh and all this talk from Coach to Brandon about liking him for being a Christian man, this is the kind of stuff that kept me from ever supporting Coach as a candidate for winning.

You just can't connect with someone on that level... then vote that person out and think everything will be fine.

George Hawtin
Yeah, for sure. Brandon votes for Sophie in the end?

Mark Kalzer
It's like Coach is asserting himself as this great moral player. That playing with honour and integrity makes him better then everyone else. That's a condescending way to play.

Brandon does yes.

We'll get to the how and why as this season goes on.

George Hawtin
That's the thing. The thing that's always made Coach so vexing for me is that "honour and integrity" is his *catchphrase*. It's not an actual thing that he does.

Mark Kalzer
Something I DID notice from Sophie pre-merge. And it wasn't even anything she did at the time, she just noticed.

With Coach it's the same thing as Phillip. He talks a big game to the camera and people actually start to believe him even though all it is, is talk. In the actual game it means nothing.

It's like being a governor or mayor for example, constantly stating you've saved a billion dollars. There's absolutely no proof, but cause you keep saying that, people actually believe you.

And that where I wonder if some of the 'Coach should have won' talk comes from.

It's like Sophie doesn't have time to worry about getting air time or fashioning her image. As far as she can expect, she'll get ONE chance to win Survivor and that'll be it.

George Hawtin
A theory: the best Survivor players are the ones who are thinking about *other people*. Not, "Here's why I'm great!", but "here's what's going on in these other players' heads and here's how I can get them to give me a million dollars". The frustrating thing about Coach and Phillip is how self-obsessed they are. Their game is about *them*, not about manipulating others.

George Hawtin
Sophie has, even two episodes in, shown a clear understanding of what she's there to do. Her confessionals are about the others, not about how great she is.

Mark Kalzer
Oh yeah. And every story I read about Phillip makes me dislike him more.

Just look to the great Richard Hatch... he may have been cocky but he knew better than anyone how important it is to watch the others.

And when Jenna challenged him at the final tribal council about how Hatch hadn't remembered personal details, he explained rather diplomatically that it wasn't the cosmetic stuff he was watching, but just where was everybody's heads at in terms of the game.

Phillip apparently, when Erik was talking to him took one mis spoken word or half complete phrase, cut Erik off and shunned him entirely from that point on.

George Hawtin
Yeah, for sure. Similarly, people who don't like my beloved Brian Heidik seem to remember his famous "Mr. Freeze" speech as a Hantzesque "I'm the greatest! I'm Mr. Freeze!", but if you go back and watch it, it's actually a very concise summary of *how one has to behave* to win, and then Heidik says that that's what he's going to do. It's, "Here's how you play well; I will try to do that." Coach and Phillip - and Russell and Brandon - just seem to think that they are inherently great and will automatically win for being themselves.

Mark Kalzer
I should stop talking about Phillip here. I'll just stop by saying Phillip is my most hated player ever.

George Hawtin
Phillip is a great example of how the edit can ruin a player - and, worse, how public perception of the edit can affect how a player plays his second game. If Phillip had gotten a Dave Ball edit in RI and never been brought back, I think those who hate him would like him.

But the edit just made him insufferable. And then he came back having bought his own hype.

Mark Kalzer
It's a symptom of the American mindset. I always like to pose it as this, 'What is it that makes America the best country ever? Because they said so.'

I mentioned in a post on PoS I'll copy to this blog at some point... Phillip and Coach are prime extroverts. Jeff Probst is drawn to those figures.

George Hawtin
I need to read that book about introverts you recommended.

They're certainly very egotistical and lacking in self-awareness.

Mark Kalzer
And if Probst is drawn to them, so are a lot of the TV viewers. These guys just talk about themselves so much, fans attach themselves to that cause, in their own minds, 'I'm pretty awesome too!' Then when the jury DOESN'T find those people pretty awesome they're all like 'What the fuck? That jury don't get it. Aww they're just bitter.'

George Hawtin
I feel like Survivor is a game that will *always* reward the people who - in gameplay style, not necessarily personal style - hang back and observe others more than boast about themselves.

Mark Kalzer
I mentioned in that post that I thought Cochran was introverted, but I'm starting to wonder that. He's certainly insecure but i don't know if that's the same thing.

George Hawtin
It's just that the editing is starting to favour the boasters.

Mark Kalzer
Well you wouldn't dare boast about yourself outside of confessionals.

George Hawtin
Cochran is an interesting case. His mix of insecurity and arrogance is, in its way, very compelling.

But even *inside* confessionals. I don't remember even more extroverted winners, like Sandra, giving lots of, "I'm the best! I'm Sandra!" confessionals.

Mark Kalzer
He's trying to balance his love of Survivor, with the star struckness, with his awkwardness around these people he must inevitably work with.

Sandra doesn't think of herself as higher than the others. Did you know that both times going into the finales she thought she'd lost?

George Hawtin
To Lill? Really? Wow.

Mark Kalzer
Well Sandra picked several fights in pearl islands.

She speaks her mind and Lil is more a nice mother to everyone. Lil was basically Dawn in Caramoan.

George Hawtin
Cochran really lost me in the first South Pacific episode with his whining about how he should get to stay over GIRLS. Again, it comes back to self-awareness. If you're built like John Cochran - or Chris Daugherty - you'll become an early target in Survivor just on physicality.

Mark Kalzer
Getting back to this episode... something that really bothered me about Coach also was his not too subtle 'Mikayla would you mind giving us some privacy here?' while he talks to his 5 person alliance.

Has it not occured to him that he should be HIDING his alliance?

George Hawtin
Yeah, I thought I read in your writeup that you thought that *was* subtle and I scratched my head---I must have missed the sarcasm.

Mark Kalzer
I'll do a re-write and make the sarcasm more obvious.

George Hawtin
I think a good policy on Survivor is that if a group is talking and someone else joins, they're always welcome.

Mark Kalzer
I think I wrote something along the lines of 'Coach having clearly perfected the art of Survivor subtly, politely asked her to leave.'
It was akin to sending the pimply kid out to kick the kids without money out of the arcade.

I'm trying to remember... does Mikayla ever comment about how she's on the outs?

George Hawtin
Yeah, she gives her little speech toward the end of the episode about being surprised and hurt that the Coach crew finds her "untrustable".

Mark Kalzer
Right. Sos he knows she's on the outs.

George Hawtin
In my opinion, a good Survivor player never shows their cards the way Coach did by letting Mikayla know she was on the outs.

I don't remember Mikayla ever *doing anything* to get off the bottom, though.

Mark Kalzer
It's ridiculous on Coach's part. He's practically admitting that one of the 5 is talking Mikayla.

She HAS to assume it's Brandon...

therefore, she SHOULD be going after Brandon right?

George Hawtin
That's what I would have done if I were her. Try to make a women's alliance. Sophie's smart enough to recognize that she's a threat to Brandon. Mikayla should at least have TRIED to capitalize on that. Get her, get the other two. Edna would be harder to pull in because of her loyalty to Coach, but not impossible.

George Hawtin
It reminds me, again, of Chris Daugherty realizing that the in-shape guys were trying to pick off the out-of-shape guys...except that there were 5 of the latter and 4 of the former, and 5 is more than 4. Brandon essentially went after Mikayla for being a woman; she should have at least tried to rally the women.

Mark Kalzer
Now has anyone figured out why Stacey vote for Sophie?

George Hawtin
I sure haven't! Stacey and Christine both screwed that up epically, if you ask me.

Mark Kalzer
I didn't ask but I think it was implied.

I'm going to see... did they post the actual voting somewhere...

Can't find it. CBS website's a bit of a mess.

Well should we close it at that?

This should be shorter than the last one since it's on a 45 minute episode.

George Hawtin
Deal. Not so much to discuss this time. Episode 3 has, I believe, the first Redemption Island duel of the season, so we'll have that to complain about.

Mark Kalzer
yes but since it doesn't matter a single bit to throughline of the show and takes up 15 minutes... expect us to have even less to talk about.